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Aminet 30 (1999)(Schatztruhe)[!][Apr 1999].iso
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iIiIrIs
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1999-02-02
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»CL7:»SML:--------------------------------------
»BIG:»CL9:IRIS - A bunch of fruitcakes!
»SML:»CL7:--------------------------------------
»CL4: by Curt Cool
»CL0:Today your favourite editor has
decided to take the step, and
investigate, what happens within the
ranks of the well-known scene group
IRIS. It's going to be a dangerous
journey, and not one to read for the
weakhearted. And of course, this
article might contain language and
descriptions of situation, which I, in
case I had kids, would not even let
them near. So beware.
»CL1:The 1st story begins in 1997 when
Adonis was kicked out of IRIS.
According to the official sources
because of inactivity, but when we put
this situation together with the
kicking of the graphician Bifrost in
1998, we see a whole new pattern
evolve. Darkhawk is the great, not to
say huge emperor of IRIS, and we hear
from sources within the group that
there's a wholly different reason why
Adonis and Bifrost were kicked.
Apparently it seems that Darkhawk in
every way wants to stay the greatest
member of them all, and the reason why
Adonis and Bifrost were kicked is not
because of inactivity, but simply
because the distance around their
waists were growing bigger than the
distance around Darkhawk's waist - and
although he tried to save the
situation with a last-minute trip to
»CL1:the local bar, where he rapidly
swallowed approx. 28 beers, it was
unavoidable - first Adonis and then
Bifrost had to go!
»CL0:The 2nd story deals with the story,
which, despite great disbelief in the
group itself, is about the peculiar,
or, as some might say, bizarre reasons
why Notman changed his handle to
Nutman. One theory that Nutman was in
fact jealous at Steeler/Phantasm, for
his success as an announcer & scene
standup-comedian and the fact that his
balls are the main attraction of the
Mekka-Symposium parties which to many
a scener are the event of the year.
Therefore he saved up a lot of cash,
and had a bit of plastic surgery made,
so that his balls were at least as big
»PIC:Budgie6»
as Steeler's, and the handle-change
was only the culmination of a long
chain of events. Some others might say
that this is a lie, but just to make
sure, we here at the Eurochart would
very much like to measure the size of
Nutman's balls contra the size of
Steeler's balls. Perhaps we could even
get Sunny/Nuance or E-Liza/Maximum
(Leiaaaaaa -ed) to do the measuring
on stage at the Symposium Mekka - of
course only if Nutman and Steeler
don't mind it.
Another theory is that Notman suddenly
realized he was a man, when he lay in
his sleeping bag at the BSE '98, and
was suddenly attacked by a crowd of
female Belgian sceners, who started
doing weird things to him, which he
didn't altogether understand, but they
said something about his balls, which
is why he changed his handle. This
theory, which also involves Nutman
having his virginity taken, is
definitely not confirmed by either
Nutman himself or the crowd of female
Belgian sceners, but then again, they
would deny it, wouldn't they? The
editorship here finds the latter
theory highly to be a »PIC:Budgie2»
highly unrealistic
scenario too, so perhaps
there is an even more
bizarre reason
for Nutman's sudden
change of handles.